Kool Aid Drinker’s Manifesto

It’s that time again, for the monthly article devoted to the Kool Aid Drinker. Originally, the Kool Aid Drinker wanted to run down his most boo-able Kansas City Royals at each position, but then I thought that might confuse some people. I have clearly presented the Kool Aid Drinker as an overly positive Royals fan that is predicting big things for the club, so talking about booing Royals doesn’t seem like his style right? Wrong. That bit of foreseen confusion led me to this, the Kool Aid Drinker’s Manifesto:

First and foremost, the Kool Aid Drinker is not just in me. There is a little bit of him in everyone that still considers himself a Royals fan in 2012. Every true fan that believed in Bob Hamelin, Mike MacDougal, and Angel Berroa…amongst others. I cannot imagine you could still be a fan of this team after 20 some years of futility without having a little unreasonable optimism in you.

While it is quite obvious that the Kool Aid Drinker loves his Royals, it should be mentioned that he is not above becoming disenchanted with those who do not live up to his lofty expectation, especially if their effort or desire seems to be lacking in any way. Ricky Blownsavico, Pop Up Perez, and Odalis “grasa pedazo de caca” Perez are just a few players that have felt his wrath. The Kool Aid Drinker is a very vocal fan, in good times and in bad.

As you can probably tell from above, the Kool Aid Drinker loves nicknames. But not Trey Hillman type nicknames. Getzy? Gordo? C’mon. He expects creativity like Country Breakfast, The Pain Killer, and The Dominator. Sometimes the Kool Aid Drinker latches on to main stream nicknames, and others he creates his own. But you will not hear him calling Jonathan Sanchez “Sanchy” any time soon.

The Kool Aid Drinker is fairly old school, especially when it comes to stadium behavior. If there is something exciting going on and you are behind him you are expected to stand; don’t ask him to sit on his hands. While he believes that there is no place for vulgarity in the stadium, he will absolutely heckle an opposing player if given a reason, mercilessly at times. I say fairly old school because he does not hate the amusement park in left field or people that start the wave. If you’re there to cheer on the Royals, we are all on the same side.

The Kool Aid Drinker hates the New York Yankees and the St. Louis Cardinals. He doesn’t care much for their fans either, especially the ones that live in KC. He believes that Yankees fans living in KC are generally bandwagoners who know little about the game. He thinks that the “Greatest Fans in Baseball” are probably the ones still coming out to the K after 26 years of losing baseball, and not some “Nation” of bird watchers that are so absolutely “informed” and “polite,” yet they blindly cheered for one of the most obvious steroid users of our generation without even a hint of remorse. (Mark McGwire, not Albert Pujols.) He also likes to goad these fan bases into ridiculous arguments that even he knows he can’t win with logic, like telling them it is okay that they lost the 43 year old Pujols because he’d rather have Eric Hosmer in 2012 anyway…or that new video evidence clearly shows that Denkinger got it right.

The Kool Aid Drinker is not thrilled with bandwagon fans, but he welcomes them all the same. There’s plenty of Kool Aid for everyone, especially in 2012. Unless, of course, they are in the above mentioned categories and just trying to hedge their bets. In fact, the Kool Aid Drinker wants to take this moment to invite anyone who reads this to jump on board right now. I’m not ready to make my final projections, but you can see what I think about the first half of the year here. It’s going to be an amazing ride in 2012, with youth developing into greatness and the eyes of the world on Kansas City in both July and hopefully October. It is “our time” Kansas City–for winning, for championships, for Kool Aid.

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