Future Royals Game Night Promotions… Or Should Be

Last week, the Kansas City Royals announced their schedule of promotions and giveaways for 2012. Items like a George Brett Mini Pine Tar Bat, a Royals All-Star Garden Gnome and a Buck O’Neil bobblehead are fantastic giveaways. What Royals fan doesn’t want a Royals Garden Gnome?

However, I can’t help but think the Royals are missing out on some great promotions for their long-suffering fans. The 2012 Royals promotions are set, but here are some promotions I believe would get “butts in the seats” at Kauffman Stadium in future years:

Eric Hosmer Amish Warrior Bobblehead Night: The first 20,000 fans get a bobblehead of the Royals first baseman in Amish livery and carrying a baseball bat. Fans who wear Amish clothing to the game have a chance to meet Eric Hosmer. One lucky female fan gets a candlelit Amish style dinner with Hosmer (the winner will have to help cook the dinner). One lucky male fan will get to hang out with Hosmer during an Amish barn raising (old-fashioned carpentry skills a plus).

Don Denkinger Bobblehead Night (vs. The St. Louis Cardinals): The first 10,000 Cardinals fans get a Cardinals version Don Denkinger bobblehead. When you press a button, Denkinger’s arms fly out and says, “Safe!” and “Get over ’85. You’ve won two World Series since then!” The Cardinals Denkinger bobblehead wears glasses.

The first 10,000 Royals Fans get a Royals version Don Denkinger bobblehead. When you press a button, Denkinger’s arms fly out and says, “Safe!” and “Todd Worrell’s foot was off the bag! Duh!” The Royals Denkinger bobblehead does not wear glasses.

Yuniesky Betancourt Voodoo Doll Night: The first 20,000 fans get a Yuinesky Betancourt Voodoo doll of their favorite Kansas City Royal. Voodoo pins will not be provided since fans would likely use them to stab the real Yuni Betancourt.

Marry A Kardashian Night: The first 10,000 adult male fans get to marry the Kardashian of their choice for 72 seconds, with a marriage license and divorce papers as proof of matrimony and divorce. The first 10,000 adult female fans get the booklet, “The Kardashian Way To Get And Keep A Man For 72 Days.” The Royals Player of the Game gets to marry the Kardashian of their choice for 72 minutes. God have mercy on their soul.

Salute To The All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (vs. The San Francisco Giants): Come celebrate with the Royals as they pay tribute to the AAGPBL and their place in baseball history. Players from both teams will don the uniforms of Kalamazoo Lassies and the Grand Rapids Chicks. It’s a night of fun and Major League baseball players wearing skirts you don’t want to miss.

Downton Abbey Night At The K (vs. the Tampa Bay Rays): The hit PBS series Downton Abbey visits the K for a night of Edwardian excitement. The first 15,000 fans get a Lady Edith Crawley bobblehead. Robert, Earl of Grantham (played by Hugh Bonneville) will throw out the first pitch. Players on both teams will wear 1912 era baseball uniforms during the game. Between innings, Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham (played by Dame Maggie Smith), will deliver witty one-liners about the Royals and the Rays on the CrownVision. Fans who dress up as their favorite Downton Abbey characters have the chance to win Royals and Downton Abbey prizes. And during the 7th inning stretch, Carson the Butler (played by Jim Carter) will “sing” Take Me Out To The Ballgame. It’s a night of baseball and Downton Abbey at the K!

Bob Davis Drinking Game Mug: The first 20,000 fans get a 20 ounce Royals/Bob Davis mug to fill with the beverage of their choice. Whenever Royals announcer Bob Davis gets excited about a routine play like a ground ball or a called second strike, you take a drink. (The Kansas City Royals remind you to drink responsibly. Only play the Bob Davis drinking game for one inning per game for the sake of your health.)

Billy Butler Country Breakfast Night At The K: The first 20,000 fans get a limited edition copy of Billy Butler‘s book, “Are You Going To Eat That? Country Breakfast With Billy Butler.” The book has recipes of Billy Butler’s favorite breakfast time meals and gets the ringing endorsement of husky Royals players Jonathan Broxton and Jose Mijares.

Dollar Moose Tacos Night At The K: In honor of Royals third baseman Mike Moustakas, the Royals will feature one dollar moose tacos. Royals players Jeff Francour, Jonathan Broxton and Manager Ned Yost harvested the moose for the tacos so fans can enjoy one of Mike Moustakas‘ favorite delicacies.

Ladies’ Royals Powder Blue Tube Top: The first 10,000 female fans can support their favorite team (among other things) with a Royals powder blue tube top. Get your 70’s on and be the hit of People of Wal-Mart.com with this stylish and tasteful stretch Royals powder blue tube top (in the interest of equality, male cross-dressing fans may also get a tube top by request).

Pretty good ideas, if I say so myself. If anyone in the Royals promotions department reads this and likes what they see, let’s get together and we’ll do lunch. I’ll be waiting.

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